An old woman was walking down the road when she saw a gang of thugs beating a poisonous snake. She screamed at the thugs and rescued the snake, taking it back to her home where she nursed it back to health. The two became friends and lived together for many years.
One day on their way into town, the woman picked up the snake and he bit her repeatedly. “Oh God,” she screamed, “I am dying. I am dying!” She turned to the snake and looked it in the eyes. “I saved your life. I was your friend. I trusted you. Why did you bite me?”
The snake turned to face her as she drew he final breath and hissed,
“Look bitch, you knew I was a Snake.”
* * *
It’s dark and cold and I am tired. But this has to be done, and in some strange sort of way I feel that writing the epitaph to this grim and brutal saga after 48 hours of emotional turmoil, drug induced psychosis and physical exhaustion is the salute this bugger with the justice it deserves.
After too much grim, looming thought and having explored all possible avenues with (un)due consideration, I have decided that this will be the final entry in the longwinded and heinously self indulgent web log known as The Adventures of the 14 Day Thesis.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a fucking blast, but the Tone and Language of this ugly beast is taking it’s toll on my physical and emotional well being. What started as a cure and preventative measure against the pitfalls of the dreaded Writer’s Bloc has subsequently evolved like some parasitic worm and is now consuming more of my self than the original Thesis ever did. This is hyperrealism in action and the parasite is flourishing.
I no longer know which writing is more important a) The Thesis and It’s academic meaning or b) the blog which has taken host in my mind and now required a regular disposal onto the page in order to negate it’s toxic existence.
Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this. I’m quite the fan of many different toxins and enjoy their responsible consumption regularly, but this blog has become something else. Since I realised people were actually reading this heinous craziness is has been a burdened on my consciousness and is slowly taking over.
I feel compelled to undertake crazy endeavours, just so I can report them here. The other day I was in Myers, slightly light-headed form a lack of sleep and my teeth died green from an over consumption Irish Moss when I was suddenly gripped by an overwhelming compulsion to strip bare ass naked sprint manically through kitchenware. If it had not been from the sobering restraint of my mate Simon I would still be down at Brisbane Metro Police Station, jabbering to the arresting officer about the true meaning of Christmas.
Jesus. All for you people. This is why it cannot go on. Writing this blog has become like removing a Guinea Worm from the soft tissue of my inner thigh; painful, unkind and utterly disgusting, but when it’s all over and the blood is washed away I’m gonna look down and feel a little lonely. We have become a culture accustomed to the embrace of parasitic life, that is why Single Uncles and Aunties cringe with glee when their Brother or Sister shows up for Christmas lunch with 5 or 6 hyperactive Nephews/Nieces who then proceed to ruin the carpet and draw on the walls. This is the cost of accommodating parasites, and also why Jim Beam comes in big $300 kegs at Christmas.
Selah.
* * *
Edit:
(In hindsight now I may update one last time after this. I just looked over my notes and wanted to talk about the impact/influence of what we’ve dubbed “Gonzo Academia:” it’s merits, it’s pitfalls and it’s place in the classroom. But company has just arrived, so it will have to wait until later…
Also thank you to those who nominated this madness for the Edublog awards. I think you’re all crazy! But fuck it, why not? If those other sullen bastards can mull around in cyberspace and enjoy the spoils of virtual success I don’t see why the “freak” contingent should have to miss out. You never know, we could just be the life of the party!)
-H-
56 responses so far ↓
1 insidethewhitehouse // Dec 10, 2005 at 3:32 pm
Gonzo Academia? Tell me more!
2 James Farmer // Dec 12, 2005 at 4:12 am
You’ll be fondly remembered, I’m going to make a plaque of sorts and nail it here
3 Hugh // Dec 12, 2005 at 9:53 am
… Fret not James, I man not dissappear forever. I have contemplated starting a more mellow, toned down blog under the title “Mr Happy and his Adventures in Candy Land” or something equally as cushy because, lets face it, blogging is FUN and i’m a stickler fro Free Press.
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